I tried to take my life at age 21. I was away at college. In the thick of my life and falling. I began to fall in what I thought was live. I also fell into the trap of suffering in silence. The only way to cope I thought was to end it. I mean, my relationships were undefined. I didn’t really understand what my life was really about anyway. So why stay? The thought and action have had profound effects on my life to this day. Following my recovery, I was ostracized more from my family than had already been obvious. My mom was more embarrassed and ashamed because she just did her best to brush off the experience and get back to the normalcy of life.
I also buried my suicidal attempt and the heaviness that had pushed me there was still there. It just took on a different identity in my life. It showed up in my relationships with my closest family, breading insecurities of abandonment and quiet animosity. This one act, this thought continues to ripple through my life. It is a reminder that I gave up on my life experiences, at that time! The hurt and pain that life can bring is heavy. I think it’s meant to be showing us how powerful we are, spreading our wings and soaring above the doubts and fears and even unimaginable trauma we experience now and in the future. I ask myself often for forgiveness for trying to take her life away. And I thank myself for seeing the beauty beyond all the pain and loving myself anyway.
No matter what you are facing, you will always have what you need to transform ANY thing in your life. Cry as you need to. Heal what hurt and give yourself permission to put yourself first. Even if people judge you for this choice after the fact, protect Your peace. Acknowledge your truth without validation from others about the so called good or bad choices you made.
The article below, highlights growing concern of black women committing suicide. https://ctmirror.org/2022/03/28/weruche/
Here’s a list of other things that may help you, or someone you love. ❤️
